Sunday, August 5, 2012

Through My Eyes

Just a little background on my bad eyesight:  I was 8 or 9 when I got my first pair of eyeglasses, 13 when I started wearing contacts, 26 when I had to move out of regular soft lenses in my right eye to Toric ($300+ a box for a 6 month supply) trifocal lenses and fight with my insurance to cover both eye prescriptions.  I was paying over $900 a year out of pocket.  I’m 34 years old now…you do the math. 

The last eye appointment I had was roughly six weeks ago.  Two weeks ago my glasses came in, but my contacts had another two to four weeks before arrival.  The lady behind the counter asked me to try them on for proper fit.  I took my contacts out, stumbled blindly to the chair, and viola my glasses fit.  The lenses were thick, even with the feather-weight lens they offered, but the frames were cute.  I took them off and go to put my contacts back in only to find I ripped my right one!  I had NONE at home, NONE in my purse, and NONE for backup in my gear bag for work.  Seriously?

That was on Monday, July 23rd.  Forced to wear my glasses, I sucked it up for a couple days before I couldn’t take it anymore.  I should’ve been use to them by then, but I was nauseous from the movement, couldn’t look side to side or up and down without feeling off balance.  I had to do something.  Waiting on my contacts gave me the perfect opportunity to call about Lasik. 
The Filutowski Cataract & Lasik Institute was recommended by a friend and coworker who recently had the procedure done with great results.   When I called they scheduled me right away for a consultation.  I only had to be out of my soft contacts for three days.  It was a week from the day I got my glasses.  Monday, July 30th, I walked into the Daytona office with low expectations of getting Lasik.  I knew my eyes were pretty bad and accepted that I may not be a candidate for the procedure.  There were other options and I was even okay with some improvement and a lesser prescription. 

After my full eye exam and consultation I was approved for Lasik.  My prescription was listed as the following:  OD: -10.00 + 4.00 x 085 and OS: -9.75 + 1.75 x 150.  The first number (-10.00) is the amount of nearsightedness, the second number (+4.00) is the amount of astigmatism, and the third number (x085) is the direction of the astigmatism; astigmatism being the football shape of the eye.  The OD is the right eye and OS is the left eye.  As you can see my right eye was pretty bad. 


The doctor said astigmatism doesn’t scare them.  Whew!  The prescription strength is the tough part. Pffflt!   The next step was setting the surgery date.  I was preparing myself to wear glasses for a month before I could get it done like so many people had to do before me.  Nope.  They could do it as early as Friday, August 3rd.  Again, I only had to be out of my soft lenses for three days before the procedure.  Since I didn't have any that wasn't a problem. 
I was overjoyed.  Driving the past two weeks in my glasses, partially at night, gave me horrible headaches and left me vulnerable at work.  I had no peripheral vision and if something happened that my glasses got knocked off my face I was basically blind.  How blind? I’m nearsighted, and so nearsighted that if you hold your hand two inches in front of your face that would depict approximately how close I had to be to something to make out what it was or what it said.  Another issue with the glasses was getting in and out of my car and they would fog up.  That was just peachy on a traffic stop at night when I was already blinded from the lights that made me squint to get rid of the halos and glare. 

My supervisor was a godsend letting me have off on short notice for the procedure.  We had a case the night before that kept us over into the wee morning hours.  I got home at 5:30 that morning, slept a couple hours, took our oldest to get registered for school, got home just in time to leave for Lake Mary where the surgical center was located, and drove an hour and a half to make my 1:10 p.m. appointment.  My Hubs took off work to drive me and to poke fun at me while I couldn’t see. 

Upon arrival I was greeted with a 10mg valium and a bottle of water.  For someone who doesn’t take more than a morning Flintstone vitamin that valium put me on my butt.  I was wine happy in about ten minutes and didn’t care if I could see or not.  The nurse came out and helped me to a dark sitting room with a recliner where there was soft music playing.  I say ‘helped’ because even though I was wearing flip-flops it felt like I was tipsy walking in high heels. 

There were two other people sitting with me, a young girl and an old guy.  The girl was having Lasik like me and the guy was getting the lens implants.  The young girl disappeared through a door into a room that is glassed in and can be viewed by everyone else in the waiting area.  I’m still in the dark room tapping my flip-flops against my feet to the beat of the elevator music.  A nurse opens another door and says, “Ms. McLaughlin, it’s your turn.”  I reply, “cool.”  Still sitting in the recliner I reach out my hand to her and wait for my escort.  She was laughing at me, knowing how blind I was and that if she really wanted to she could lead me right into a wall and I wouldn’t know until I hit it. 

The glass room was clean and cool, subtly lit, and quiet.  Dr. Filutowski himself was performing my surgery.   I couldn’t make out his features, but his voice was soft and he had a slight accent.  He immediately put me at ease and explained what I would see and hear throughout the procedure.  Odd, he didn’t say what I would feel.  That’s because I soon found out I didn’t feel anything.  My eyes were completely numb from the drops.  The contraption used to expose my eyeball to the laser caused slight pressure for less than a minute.  I closed my left eye then saw the same thing on my right eye.  In less than two minutes I was sitting in an exam chair with Dr. Filutowski shining a light in my right eye to mark the points he needed with what might have been a sharpie pen.  It was weird ‘seeing’ it and not feeling it. 

That was less than a minute and I was led into the other side of the glass room where another contraption held my eyelids open and a laser light penetrated my eye.  The doctor told me to look straight at the light.  It was red starbursts, almost like a still picture of a red firework explosion.  I heard the laser and saw sparks in the red light that eventually started to come into focus as a small red dot.  The clamp was removed, a few drops in my eyes, and he told me to blink.  I sat up and looked across the room at one of the machines where I could read the letters…I could actually read across the room.  It was a bit hazy with the drops, but I could see!  Next thing I know I was standing next to Dr. Filutowski having my picture taken. 
Rest.  Lots of rest and lots of drops for the next few hours, then a follow up the next morning.  I woke up with clear eyes and able to see Fat Dougie lying between me and Hubs.  The alarm clock was visible over Hub’s head and it read 5:30 a.m.  Holy crap, I could see the alarm clock!! My eye exam reported my left eye as 20/25 and my right eye 20/20, together easily seeing 20/20.  This is less than twenty-four hours after the procedure and I’m able to see clearly for the first time in over 30 years without glasses or contacts. 

BEFORE:                                          AFTER:


It’s early for me with the procedure to be boasting how awesome it is, but I can tell you this, it has already changed my outlook on so many things.  No pun intended.  I have career goals that I didn’t think would be possible because of my bad eyesight.  Now I can try out for the dive team and not worry about being blind in the water during the testing.  I don’t have to worry about having eyeglasses or contacts in my car for backup in case I lose/damaged them, or struggle on the firing range with my eyes drying out in my contacts.  Best of all I don’t have to pay a fortune for either of them anymore! 
Questions about what follows and did I smell bacon during the laser portion come up too.  No, no bacon smell, though I always crave bacon after someone asks that.  And what follows is up to the individual.  For me, it’s enjoying every day God has given me to see the world with my new eyesight ...and no eye makeup for a week.   The two same questions everyone has asked me, “Does it hurt?” and “How much did you have to pay for it?” 

NO, it did not hurt at all.  I wasn’t kidding when I said I didn’t feel a thing other than slight pressure when they apply the first contraption to hold your eye in place.  It caused minor bruising on the upper white of my eye that is barely visible unless you point it out.  I still don’t feel it.  Nothing near as irritating as sinus or allergies, and the pressure was less than if you were to apply eyeshadow with a brush.  When my eyes feel dry I use the drops they prescribed as often as I want.  You also get steroid and antibiotic drops for the first few weeks. 

The cost?  It depends on the individual’s eyes, the procedure being done, their prescription, and whether or not they’ve ever had it done there before.  First timers pay a lot more than follow up surgeries after the first year.  Mine totaled $4800.00 well worth it dollars.  That was with a generous discount for being LEO and paying upfront instead of financing, as well as having it done within three months of the exam, and they were running a summer special.  Without all of that I would’ve paid $6000.  During the first six months if they need to tweak either eye it is covered under my already paid cost, and if I need further correction after that which is not for the same issues then it’s only $500 per eye.  Same after care applies. 

If you didn’t do the math from before, over $900 a year for the past eight years in glasses and contacts, that equaled approximately $7200.  Add in the cost of the eye exams/copay and lens solution too.  Friends and relatives who have had this done over the years are all saying it was the best investment they ever made.  I’m inclined to agree.   Many of them had it done 8-15 years ago and still have 20/20 vision.  That’s over $7200 dollars I can save…or spend on really awesome sunglasses to protect my newly improved big brown eyes!


Monday, July 16, 2012

Flashbang!

You're walking to your car after shopping, hands are full, you're digging through your purse for the car keys, and it's dark out.  All of a sudden two males with hoodies drawn around their faces jump out of a car and run toward you with a gun yelling for you to give them your purse.  You give them your purse and they decide they don't want a witness so they shoot.

It's a late evening, cool breeze, and perfect for a run.  You take off on your normal path, be it your neighborhood or park, and as you're halfway through your goal distance a guy jumps out of nowhere and tackles you.  He's got one hand with a knife against your throat as he tells you to be quiet or he's going to kill you.  It's now dark, you're a mile or more from home, and no one is around to hear you scream. 

You stop at the corner gas station to buy your lotto or grab a drink when someone walks in and points a gun at you.  Tells you to get down then points it at the clerk and orders him to open the register.  Say you have your kid(s) with you and they start crying, frustrating the gun-wielding robber who then points the gun at one of them. 

These are scenarios for some of you to think about, reality for some of you who have been through it.  Whatever your experience, what would you do?  Some of you would get robbed or raped, or worse...killed.  Then there's some of you who would think like I do and whip out whatever concealed weapon you have to drop the SOB.  Call it paranoid, I call it prepared. 

I grew up in a country town where daddies taught their daughters to shoot, and mommas taught them where to aim.  It was never about protection then, more about knowledge and self-sufficiency.  I moved out of that small town and joined the biggest gun club in the world, the military.  Becoming a Marine was the growth and change I needed to realize my personal strength.  It wasn't until my career in law enforcement that I discovered knowledge and personal strength wasn't enough protection off-duty.  Yeah, even cops are victims. 

Close your eyes and think about one (or all) of the above situations.  Put yourself as the victim, feeling the fear and anger build.  Think about what you would want to happen.  You want to win.  You want the bad guy to pay.  Most important, you want to be able to protect your loved ones.

One of the most useful sayings (pretty much a mantra for LEOs) is "You're body won't go where your mind has never been."  This means if you don't think about the worst that can happen then you won't know how you can respond.  In a moment of crisis you act or you freeze.  If you freeze you lose, and sometimes that loss may be someones life.  Whether you carry a pocket knife or a handgun, make sure you know how to use it in moments that you least expect to. 

I'm all about my Kershaw (pocket knife) and lately I have been carrying my .380 S&W for easy concealment.  I was recently introduced to what some of my dear friends call "The Boob Holster".  It's aptly named the Flashbang and for the past week I have carried it to test it's efficiency and concealment.  Friends have inquired about how you retrieve your gun from it.  Do you take off your shirt?  Do you have to unsnap the bra? Can you see it in tighter shirts? What about wearing it while you workout or run? 

Here's my answers to those questions:

No, you do not have to take your shirt off to retrieve your gun, although this could be a very effective distraction as you "flash" the bad guy to get your gun. 

No, you do not have to unsnap your bra or the holster to retrieve your gun.  It is surprisingly quick to reach up your shirt front, grab the handle of your gun, and before you blink you've pulled it out of the holster and already have a shot fired at the bad guy's head. 

Yes and No as far as seeing it in tighter shirts.  I wear clingy shirts sometimes and even wore it under my workout clothes one day.  I asked a few people if they could see where my gun was concealed and they kept looking for it around my waist and legs.  When I told them it was in my bra (guys will unintentionally...and intentionally, stare when you tell them) they said they would've never known.


I wore it once to workout and that just isn't conducive to lifting weights or doing the Insanity workout.  Running with it was fine, I did have to wear an underwire bra though.  It's the best support for the holster.

The website I ordered mine from has videos that show the quick draw methods and also how you can position the holster.  I wear mine high for better concealment in some clothes and low for comfort in others.  It's a good tool for women who want to carry concealed without having to wear baggy clothes



For my fellow gal pals that carry concealed, if you have a personal favorite please share.  The more knowledge we can spread about self-defense and female friendly tools for protection, the better.  

"I’m a sheepdog. I live to protect the flock and confront the wolf.”

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

2nd Amendment, but not for Veterans?

Veterans 2nd Amendment Protection Act

For those who have served our country, sacrificed greatly, and received an honorable discharge from military service, but have since designated someone else to handle your affairs...this applies to you.

You see, when a veteran designates someone else to handle their affairs, such as financial or medical decisions, the Department of Veterans Affairs classifies them as "incapacitated".  The VA notifies the FBI's NICS who then uses the "incapacitated" classification to prohibit the veteran, and everyone else in the household, from owning firearms.  That's putting veterans who have done nothing wrong and sacrificed everything in the same category as convicted felons. 

The Veterans 2nd Amendment Protection Act (as explained in the link above) is a bill that will allow veterans to legally designate someone else to handle their affairs and still maintain their right, or household members right, to own firearms.  A judge or magistrate would need to order the 'no firearms' rule based on whether the veteran is a danger to self or others.

Support this bill and our veterans who sacrificed so much already to defend our country.  They should still be allowed to defend themselves. 


If you've earned every ounce of your 2nd Amendment, don't save it for a rainy day.  That's when you will need it the most.  With that in mind, I'm heading out to buy another handgun.  I have two hands, I might as well use both to "bear arms". 

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Thursday Karma...and no wine.

A day full of news, good and bad, has me wondering if Karma is off her meds.  Instead of jumping up and down (throwing a tantrum to say the least) on my soap box, I will simply use my ninja writing skills to finish reports and work on my manuscript. 

Meanwhile, enjoy someecards.com funnies I found that made me smile:




Thursday, June 7, 2012

Behind the Badge


Curiosity invaded my thoughts today after I read a fellow blogger's post on what it's like being married to a cop. I have quite a few friends who hold the title “Cop's Wife”and realized only one of my female coworkers has a husband who works outside of law enforcement. There must be more men behind the badge, who either stay home with the kids or work in the civilian sector.


Law enforcement is a life the entire family has to be on board with in order to make it work. For many years I had the privilege of seeing my brother-in-law become a very successful police officer and work hard to get promoted. His wife and kids worry, wife more than kids, but they know the support at home is what helps keep him safe on the job.


It's a delicate battle we fight, to keep our lives balanced as we bring order and maintain the peace in our communities. There are things we're exposed to in this job that can't be explained to most and we don't want to explain to others. Mainly because you don't want to relive those moments; you don't want the images refreshed in your head that took numerous calls and reports since then to bury. Hubs and I met in the military and in respect to my current job he understands why I don't divulge certain details. Its part of what we keep hidden behind the badge.


You see, the badge I wear fits into the palm of my hand. Its physical attributes are nothing more than a piece of metal that pins to a uniform. What it represents is the true value. The responsibility of the person who wears it doesn’t end when the uniform comes off. That is sometimes the toughest part for families, seeing their loved one out of uniform seemingly “off duty” and still in cop mode. You eventually figure out how to leave work at the threshold, but it’s not a matter of turning it off. You can’t. I can’t. I won’t.


My husband is married to a woman who walks out the front door wearing a target on her chest. He sees the uniform lying in the clothes basket with blood on it (or God only knows what) and doesn’t ask what happened unless I bring it up. He goes to bed alone most nights as I stay up typing reports and finishing work for the next day. We juggle our intimate time together like a circus clown on fire. That’s a fairly accurate description considering our life is a frenzy of circus acts with our boys taking center ring. Some days I half expect to see a monkey riding one of our dogs through the house.


Hubs manages to keep his worry and frustration about my job reasonable. The shift work, over time, dangers of the job, and even a twinge of jealousy are all part of the battle. The balance is our communication. I beam with humbled pride at him for wanting to share my success and goals. Even more I think it drives him to reach his own.


Life behind the badge is not easy. If it were then everyone would live it. The sacrifices and lack of others’ understanding often hinder our relationships with friends, wear on our patience with loved ones, and keep us at a distance with our own emotions in order to do the job. In regards to who’s wearing the badge in the relationship…that doesn’t mean they are the ones who make all the sacrifices. It’s a delicate battle indeed.



S. McLaughlin

Dedicated to all public safety and military families.