Day 21...

No dead bodies, no physical harm to idiots who try my patience throughout the daily errands, and no "unreasonable" tongue lashings to stupid drivers...that does not include the involuntary act of flipping the bird. I think that action is connected to another bad habit entirely.

So I've made it three weeks. Doesn't seem like a big deal since I once hit the two year mark before going back to the habit. Only time will tell if I really have the self-discipline everyone else thinks I have to keep away from the ever so enticing nicotine. Most people have a smoke after a big meal or with a big cup of coffee, but mine stemmed from boredom.

Right now I am blessed to have little boredom in my life. With the insurmountable studying that will continue for the next 7 months, an active toddler who lives up to his name...every second of the day, a pubescent pre-teen with an agenda of his own that hubs and I are expected to keep up with, and the daily fun of errands, job searches, and dirty diapers, I'd say I have a lot to keep me busy.

Still...one cigarette could calm my nerves, make me breath that deeeeeeep dragon breath, and exhale a cloud of nicotine induced happiness just like that. But alas, I will suppress that desire and head to the fridge for another water and maybe a block of cheese for lunch. PFFFLT! Day 21 with more to come.

Day 12

You know that feeling you get when you want to extend your arm, fold your hand into a fist and slooooowly lift your middle finger at the jackhat that quickly stepped in front of you in line at the grocery store?

Oh wait, what about when you are standing in said line and the same jackhat engages the cashier in conversation about his medical procedure that he has to have done, therefore taking away her attention from her job and slowing the check out process while you are PATIENTLY waiting with your two-year old that thinks he's Spider Man shooting his web at the candy and chips and climbing in and out of the cart onto the conveyor belt...

Did I mention this is day 12 of me not smoking?

The amount of studying I have to do with my current academics is what's keeping me sane. Sound crazy? Perhaps to some, but to me it's like my writing. I can hide between the pages, losing myself in the words, finding an oasis of knowledge that makes sense to me. Just as I write new worlds, and characters, and events, I can read the reality that we have at our fingertips but rarely bother with--the constitution, our state statutes, and what our rights really consist of.

I know, it sounds boring and mundane. However it keeps me from extending my fist and flipping the bird at jackhats as well as duct taping my mini-Spider Man to the grocery cart while I shop. Let's see if I can make the next 18 days with this same logic ;-)

They say a bad habit takes 28 days, but I disagree. I know day 30 will make the action of reaching for a lighter and cigarette less appealing than confronting what drives me to smoke in the first place.

Day Six

It has been six days since I stopped smoking.

After this past Saturday I realized my body hates me. The youthful stamina I thought I could pull off in my physical assessment failed to show. My enthusiasm was there, but my endurance ran to the sidelines to puke while I kept going the course.

After what I thought was a tough morning, I was quickly brought back to my days in boot camp where you never know what will happen. I sure as hell didn't expect the afternoon "nature walk", and my body sure as hell didn't expect the two days of pain that followed. My lungs burned and yearned for a puff of nicotine, but I didn't give in to the pain. I'm thankful for it. It was a very good reminder that I'm not getting any younger. Also a good reminder that I still have a chance to get my butt back in shape and keep it that way before it's too late.

Consider the options; I quit and get my butt back in shape, or I keep smoking and struggle-physically-through the academy and have to quit anyway if I want a job in a good department. Most of the departments in my county have implemented the no smoking rule (or will by the time I graduate).

I know the effects it has and can potentially have on my body. I see the immediate damage it has caused since undergoing a vigorous workout on top of the required physical training for the academy. I have a goal. I want to reach that goal. In order to do so I have to make it to day 30 without a hitch. One month. What can you do in one month that can match my quitting smoking?

I can't disclose much about my training over the next months/weeks/days, but I will keep you posted on my no smoking/get my butt back in shape goal.