Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Spider Chronicles...or a funny story at least

It was late, kids were getting settled for bed, and Hubs and I were picking up the remnants of the daily mess.  All of a sudden we hear, "Aughhhhhhh!" Bam screamed as he bolted through he metal baby gate to his room and ran down the hallway.  The gate clinked back and forth until it came to a rest.  Bam stood in his superhero pose, staring down the hallway to his room. 

"What is it, sweetie!?" I asked as I ran to his rescue.  Hubs came running in from the garage with an armful of blankets from the dryer. 

"It's a HUGE spider!"  Bam yelled in his exasperated three-year-old voice.  "It's freakin huge and on my wall, come see!!"

A lot less excited than Bam, Hubs and I peered into his room with all eyes on the walls.  Nothing. 

"Bam, where did you see it?"  Hubs asked.

Bam pushed his way into the room and pointed to the baseboard behind his table and plastic bin.  "There!"

Sure enough, a medium-sized brown housekeeper spider sat perched on the baseboard...staring at us.  Hubs asked for the Raid.  I run out of the room to the kitchen to get it.  Apparently I wasn't obvious in my response that I would get it by saying, "I'll get it".  Next thing I hear is Hubs coming out of the room telling Bam, "Stay there and watch it!  Don't let it out of your sight.  I'll be right back."  (Really?! He's 3 for crying out loud!)

I grabbed the Raid and tossed it to Hubs.  He's now armed with potpourri smelling bug killer and a hand full of paper towels.  A safer alternative to hairspray and a lighter...maybe.  I get back to the room to see hubs chasing the now highly mobile spider scurrying across the wall behind Bam's bed.  Hubs left a trail of potpourri Raid running down the wall, all the while MISSING the spider.  Paper towels still in hand he pulls the bed out to see the spider perched on the baseboard again...staring at us. 

Round Two.  Hubs attacks with the potpourri Raid again.  "I GOT HIM!"  Hubs yelled with a victory smile.

"No you didn't!"  I hummed back sarcastically when the spider flexed, shook off the potpourri Raid, and scurried out of sight. 

"Dammit!  Where did he go?!" 

Round Three.  Bam is sitting in my lap by the door as we watch the events unfold.  I'm tempted to pop some popcorn at this point, but afraid I'll miss the confrontation between Hubs and spider.  Just then Bam points and says, "He's on the wall!  There he is! Save me, Daddy!!"  Sure enough we look up and the spider is poised in the corner of the wall above the couch next to Bam's bed. 

I am staged with a shoe just in case, but for some reason couldn't open my mouth to offer it as I watched Hubs 'stealthily' climb on the cushions to try and reach the spider.  He abandons the can of potpourri Raid (since it's nothing more than cologne for the damn thing at this point) and with his left hand full of paper towels goes in for the grab.  He covers it!  But wait...what's that?  The spider runs out from underneath, startling hubs to retreat and yell a few expletives before manning up and going after it again. 

The spider bows up as Hubs stands on the couch.  Paper towels at the ready, spider in the corner by the ceiling, Bam and I are now off to the side by the closet to thwart any attempts of the spider hiding in the toys.  Hubs lunges...the spider falters!!...Then the spider escapes his grasp again, scaring the shit out of hubs who loses his balance, falls backwards off of the couch, and rolls into the metal baby gate knocking it open.  The dogs (barking frantically at all the yelling an commotion) rush into the chaos causing us to lose sight of the spider that is now somewhere behind or under the couch. 

Round Four.  Hubs kisses us goodnight and leaves Bam and I to fend for ourselves. 

**I'm awake writing as Bammers is crashed on the couch next to me.  Somewhere lurking in the darkness is the medium-sized housekeeper plotting his revenge.  My only hope is that the potpourri smell will give away his location and we will have a running start!

1 comment:

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